Im turning over a new leaf. If you cant do it yourself, get help. I am determined to be in the best shape of my life this summer. Sometimes you just need a verbal compliment, it helps when its from a buff man named Jesse.
Having to admit to your very bad eating habits is eye opening and can be embarrassing especially when chef and peanut butter are in the same sentence. 

I also made a compulsive late night online purchase of sunless tanner, go ahead judge me. But before you do you should know i'm trying to replace my tanning bed addiction with lotion. The only bad thing is that now my hands are stained this very unnatural brown. I almost want to explain why my hands look like i just dunked them in brown paint, but then i stop before having to admit to using sunless tanner. Its not that i'm embarrassed about using it but want people to think its natural. haha.

So ive been thinking about patterns that people have with dating and my own patterns. My best friend said the other day, "Im always quick to fall in love and even quicker to fall out" That rang so true, how often are we so caught up in a guys good looks and huge cut arms that after that initial attraction wears off we lose interest. I often think about relationships the same way i think about child birth, "if other woman can do it, so can i". But when the Mr Right boils down to the Mr Real i avoid it all together, its messy its emotional, it requires vulnerability and loss of control. I tell myself that just because he doesn't drink coffee he isn't The One. But in the end it really isn't about giving up tall dark and handsome but more about being with someone that totally FITS you and shares your values. I WANT a tall guy but i NEED a guy who loves Jesus. Here is the thing, you ALWAYS want what you cant have and so when you portray these unrealistic fantasies that no man can meet you lose hope that there is a Mr Right. 



  

For those of you who shared the same love for Relient K. Please be shocked that they are still touring, who knew? I feel this strange obligation to go to their show. My roommate brought up the fact that i should (somehow) get them to reinvent the picture i have with them from the show i went to when i was 14 or 15. Listening to them now is like re-visting my past of those awkward teenage stages. Funny thing i remember is that Trisha brought school books to the show..haha.

Strange thing happening to me is that i am eating like a horse these days, i ate 9 Scrambled eggs yesterday, what is happening? I feel like Gustav from Beauty and Beast, "Now that i'm grown i eat five dozen eggs". I used to be able to function on little meals and now i'm starved after only 30 minutes. Note to self if you suddenly are working out 5 times a week your appetite will increase drastically.

 I used to have the most amazing self control and i could stick to diets amazingly well for a teenager, especially with friends like Sarah Bausum. Im not sure how it all started but it ended with everyone but me eating bananas, cookies, bread who knows what else dipped in raw brownie batter. Later everyone was so ill and sick i was relieved i hadn't participated. Don't get me wrong i have participated in some funky eating escapades, like the time we pulled everything out of the fridge and dipped chips in it, and then later discussed out favorite combos. 

I was also absolutely sure i had struck gold with my idea of chocolate rice when i was around ten, only when i made it (with much applied pressure to my mother) i used bittersweet chocolate. Not such a good idea after all. Although now i do have this amazing idea for sticky rice made with coconut milk and homemade ginger sorbet on top. 

One of my main reason for becoming a chef is the way that food has the power to bring people together. There is a reason my favorite holiday is thanksgiving, its a way for all types of friends and families to have an entire day dedicated to food and drinking. I always had this image in my head of dinner parties every week with a small group of close friends, or making brunch on sundays with a cup of joe or bloody marys. My mother made dinner every night for us, and i never realized how powerful that was until i realized how uncommon it is. I loved that part of the day, everyone put away homework and turned off the TV and we came together over a meal. I think that is so rich, to map out time for each other and to make the effort. So thank you mom for being an amazing cook and passing that onto me.

I adore music, especially live music. I was downtown and ran into my favorite street singer in asheville, embarrassed about parking myself in front of him with no cash on me, i got in my car and cracked my window to listen. I closed my eyes and just for a minute i was quite.

You know what else i love, beer. I said that in a church setting where nobody knows me well enough to know i GENUINELY love beer. How do you say that without sounding like an alcoholic? So there is a new place in asheville, Wicked Weed, that is a new local brewery downtown.The best thing (or the worst depending on your drinking habits) is that you really just need to have one or two beers and you cut yourself off. Some beers having a limit of two per person. Not only that you get to really taste and experience a whole new level of brewing beer. I start april 1st.

Ive never had great headlights, in fact sometimes i don't think they work at all. "Alden are your headlights even on?" "yes they are just really dim." The guys at auto zone always give me the same story "How did you not know your headlight was out?" i just have to shrug and give them a smile. In a good mood after replacing my bulb i was on my street corner waxing my headlights. And who said girls couldn't do car repair? haha just kidding. This coming from the girl who twist tied my bumper so it wouldn't drag. In an attempt to help the problem i ended up pulling out the entire under guard to my car. I am also sporting a rather large new dent on the side of my car, because i tried to reverse out of a garage going the wrong way. But i ALWAYS make it smell good with strawberries hanging from my rearview or flowers from my vents, and am religious about oil changes.

Listen up. because i cant stop listening to this amazing song.

 http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Mk9wK8CC0fQ

the beginning

i have reached my almost mid twenty crisis. What am i doing with my life? The question fades away but inevitably comes back each time more accusingly than the last. So ultimately the question is what does it mean to be uncontrollably happy, and let me remind you that there is a difference between what actually makes you happy and what you think makes you happy.

I love to cook. most of the time it defines me. What most people dont know about cooks and chefs, is that 70-80% of their life is spent at work or thinking about work, if it's your day off, you better just assume you will be called into work. You woke up with the flu, you still work a six hour shift. You have to be on your game at all times, you walk in ready to work, coat on, knives sharp. your lunch "break" is taking a bite of a misfired pizza, or sharing a bite of sandwich made six hours ago. And get used to the FOH blaming all misfired tickets on your incompetence.
I buy high heels but my feet hurt too bad after a 12 hour shift to actually put them on. I own more checkered pants than i do jeans. Im not worried about hose with no runs, or a clean ironed blouse or fixing my hair, i tell my hair dresser "as long as it fits in a pony tail". 
Dinner usually consists of a bowl of cereal, or a frozen lean cuisine. 
And always assume everyone is sleeping together, because they probably are and if they aren't they have spread rumors that you have. 
So ive decided to start this blog as a way to prove to myself that i do love to cook and it can still be fun. And as a way to keep track of favorite recipes and ideas because with most good ideas of mine they get lost in the clutter of my mind.