Fear...NOT

I was listening to a sermon the other day about Elijah, when he prayed for God to appear when the whole city was worshipping false gods and how God showed up in a mighty way and fire came down from heaven. 

A spiritual high right?

But Then Elijah gets a message from Jezebel saying she is "going to kill him". Literally God showed up in this mighty way and then Elijah gets scared and runs for his life.

He was AFRAID and RAN for his life!

BUT the story goes on, God sends an angel to touch Elijah and to feed him. God is providing before Elijah even has time to process the fact that he needs food and drink. (amazing!!!) 

You know my favorite part about this though, the Angel doesn't immediately scold him for running, instead he is meeting his needs.

God cares more about meeting my needs than he does to scold me or point a finger at all my wrongs. I do that ALL on my own.

BUT Elijah then gets up and goes. (I always wonder what goes through their heads at this moment, is it relief, is it fear?) He doesn't drag his feet and wonder if it was the Lord that provided baked bread beside his head while he slept under a tree. No, he Arose and went!

I recently got an answer from the Lord on a very specific prayer and two hours later I got my answer. But my sinful, greedy heart really didn't like the answer I got. Do I really trust God with that area, or am I holding a tight closed fist towards God, asking for help but really only when its convenient for me. 

How long will I keep running like Elijah?

The struggle is real

The struggle is absolutely real. 

Its that feeling of working out, but not getting results. You feel defeated and all you want to do is lay on the couch watch Netflix and eat Oreos.

What is the key to success? Some might say, perseverance, or determination. I think its what we are lacking instead, focus. We try to be "great" at too many things and so we are not good at any one thing. We are stretched too thin, and that leaves us feeling like we cant do anything. For me sometimes, (if i'm being honest, all the time) I look at all I don't know, and instead of chipping away a little at a time, I lose all hope of ever knowing or being good at anything. Instead of setting goals I get discouraged before I even decide to do something.  

Im drowning in this pool of self loathing and fear. Fear of man, Fear of failure and fear of being unsuccessful.

Mistakes will eat at your soul and tell you, you are worthless. They seep in when you are most vulnerable, most defeated. The struggle is real, but you have to fight apathy, you have to say "No, I deserve better, I am not a waste"

So this new year might not look different to a stranger, or even to people who know me, but each day I will reset, not looking at yesterday, or even my whole week of falling short, but at today. I will pray to my heavenly father for a reminder that He loves me the same and His love is unconditional.

I will celebrate the wins. And learn from the mistakes.