Im sitting cross legged on my yoga mat, feeling disgusting that i could barely get thru a 25 minute Pilates video (and how i secretly just want a mint chocolate chip milkshake). How is it that i was in such great shape, actually liked the way i looked, and then just boom let myself go. Now the motivation is almost twice as bad because i hate myself for letting it (my flabby abs) get this way.
It seems absolutely crazy that my youngest brother is going away to Furman next year. Especially because in my mind I'm still 18, so how does that add up? Sitting in those auditorium seats surrounded by chatter of college and summer vacations, i was suddenly grateful that i escaped with my life from High School, but also missing the idea of summer romances, tan lines, and frisbee in the park with friends. Then suddenly i wanted a redo. A chance to go back and tell myself to stop fearing people and relationships but to embrace them.
I find myself not letting people get close because I'm afraid they might die. Gulp.
I was graciously reminded of how relational God is. How much he desires me to KNOW him, more than just KNOWING but a gut feeling, butterflies, anticipation on our next meeting, to crave his words like bread and water. Abide. Abide. Abide.
I KNOW that God is good.
I KNOW that God is in control.
I KNOW that God has a plan. (bigger than mine)
So why, why, why am i constantly worried and panicked?
"Stop fearing death, and live life"
Game of Thrones
