All be Happy

I have this feeling and i can't put a finger on it, discontentment, anxiety, unsettled, all rolled into ..Me. Im a disaster. I keep begging God for an identity i can relate to, but i dont know what that looks like so I'm dabbling in this pool of uncertainty and confusion. It feels like I'm learning to ride a bike, confident when dad is holding the seat but lacking all sense of self when I'm left all alone. I just wanna run to the hand i know will hold me steady, i dont trust myself to stand alone. 

I look at these woman who are smart and go getters, and i can't seem to drag myself out of this self pity. Meh.

So I'm reading My Utmost for His Highest and can i just say Wow! Read it if you haven't. 
Anyway the last entry i read was about being absolutely alone with God. And until we can get the noise and questions out of our heads to be alone with God, can he expound. i was thinking how often I'm praying, but my thoughts are drifting towards my unpainted toenails, or if i turned the coffee pot off. Get alone with God, bear your soul and quite your racing mind, in order to be expound upon by the Holy Spirit!!

So work has me all messed up. Im desperate for a nine to five, a social life on the weekends, friends during the week. I feel guilty for wanting it though.

"All be Happy" 

Hugh Jackmans motto and on my hat i bought from his coffee shop. Words i should start to live by.